16 definite turn offs for men that women may not know about
6 July 2015, published by LITTLEROCK.com.mt
Let's get one thing straight out of the way: everybody should just be themselves, and there's no point pretending to be different just to please somebody else. Mr Right will, ultimately, fall in love with you, just as you are.
However, men and women are wired up differently, and it might just help to know what tends to send the opposite sex running for cover!
1. Faking it
You may be tempted to draw on your eyebrows, wear fake lashes, Botox your lips, wear ultra long acrylic nails, and get silicone implants in your boobs ... all in the name of perfect good looks. While a Barbie doll appearance may land you plenty of dates, you might discover that it won't go far beyond. Too much make up or perfume and generally trying too hard takes "natural" out of the equation; it might also indicate that you spend too much time worrying about your appearance, and may give the impression that you are superficial or overcompensating for lack of character and self-confidence, which are unattractive features.
2. Being afraid to be "real"
Every man loves a natural girl, a real girl; the typical "girl next door" became famous for a reason. A man wants to know the real you, especially if he's serious about you and is considering spending the rest of his life with you. Faking it can extend to agreeing with everything he says just to please him, but men love a woman who knows what she likes and doesn't like, who can voice an opinion, and who is not afraid of looking silly. Men like originality; he wants someone special, so don’t be afraid to be yourself.
3. Playing hard-to-get or sending mixed signals
Stop the games; if you like him and he likes you, keep it simple. While it is true that many men like a challenge, determine what is most important: the relationship or having the upper hand? Most importantly, do not confuse him: remember how it feels when a man flirts with you one day then ignores you the next. Sometimes, being upfront eliminates all the confusion and eases the way!
4. Bad attitude
Nobody likes a girl with bad attitude; negative vibes and rude means of expression weigh heavy on those around and few are attracted to such a vibe. So learn to say no gracefully and generally quit complaining. Of course, nobody is expected to be happy all the time, however don't take out your stroppiness on anyone.
5. Being too "easy"
We tend to think that this statement refers to sex, however it is not just about that. While playing hard-to-get is not recommended, giving everything away about yourself on the first date leaves nothing for the next one. Being open hearted and transparent is wonderful, however men like an interesting woman who captures their attention and retains a little mystery; the easy way to go about this is not to be too keen to talk about yourself all night long; give just enough of what he is asking so as not to disappoint him, while leaving him curious to discover more.
6. Being too "desperate"
Another turn-off for guys is a girl who seems desperate. This is when you go out on a date, and you already start imagining the wedding bells! Everything you do or say, no matter how unattached and nonchalant you try to make it appear, has the underlying air of "I'm not letting you go!" It stinks of desperation, puts undue pressure on the guy, makes him feel trapped and wanting to run for miles. Just relax and let things happen naturally!
LISTEN: New Zealand radio read out a series of messages from a woman who got too attached after a one night stand.
7. Being too clingy
If you have just started dating, allow him the space to come and go as feels comfortable for him; he will call you when he wants to see you, and if that's not frequently enough for you, just move on, but don't make any demands. Don't text him, call him and invite him here and there as if you're a well established couple, especially if you've only been out on a few dates - let him do the chasing! You may really mean it in a casual way, but that is not how he will interpret it.
8. Feeling entitled
Nobody is actually entitled to anything in a relationship, whether it is a new one or a mature one. Expectations are a real recipe for disaster, placing a lot of stress on any relationship. Remember that you are two individuals who are choosing to share together, and you should maintain an attitude of mutual respect and gratitude for each other's love and companionship.
9. Playing dumb
You think acting a bimbo will win you points? Actually most guys prefer intelligent girls who stimulate their intellect with intriguing conversation; they like women who are smart and have opinions. So stop acting the little lamb, shy in the corner; assert yourself and show what you know. Speak with him and his friends as you would with your own friends; don't be afraid to show yourself!
10. Being a smart ass
A guy can make his own decisions, just like you can make your own; you don't have to become his mother and take care of him. So just listen, be patient and understanding, and allow him to be himself: no clever “ I told you so” lines, no lectures, tips or comments regarding what you would do if you were in his place.
11. Depending on him to be happy
Girls who know what makes them happy and go about actually enjoying those things are more attractive. It’s about you being content about who you are as a person, it’s about being positive, about knowing that you’re a great person who deserves great things, and probably also because it takes the strain off him to make you happy. Quit whinging about the things you lack and do what makes you happy.
12. Being overbearing
Nobody enjoys assumed authority and feeling dominated, especially not a man by his woman; reserve that kind of play for the bedroom, perhaps. Trust him to be able to take care of himself and stop adopting the role of his mother; can you see why this would turn him off?
13. Being finicky and not compromising
Every man feels better knowing his lady is easy-going when the going gets tough; it allows him to focus on the issue without having to deal with the added stress from a woman freaking out at having to get her hands dirty. It's fine to play princess at times, if you can also play the tramp; a man will be relieved to know his lady is ready to compromise and work hard to find a solution that will be acceptable for both sides.
14. Trying to change him
A man does not want to feel that he needs to be improved, because underlying is the notion that he is not good enough as he is! In the end, we have no right to change anybody as nobody has a right to change us; if you really do not like something he says or does, simply express how it makes you feel when he says/does that thing and stop there - allow him to decide what to do about it. If you don’t like him, then find a new man instead of trying to change the one you have.
15. Talking about others
Gossiping or talking badly about others actually makes you look bad; why should you need or choose to spend your time and energy discussing other people and their doings? Even if what you’re saying is true, it seems like you are highlighting another person's bad aspects to brighten up your prospects, a rather weak thing to do. If you're talking about your ex, he feels that he's involved with you plus this other unwanted person; in that case you need to ask yourself why you keep bringing your ex into this new relationship.
16. Trying to make him jealous
Just be warned: trying to make your boyfriend jealous by flirting with another guy in order to make him more keen due to the competition could actually lead to disaster - he may think that you’ve lost interest in him and that you’d rather be with someone else. If you want to build a deep and fulfilling relationship, quit playing games!
However, men and women are wired up differently, and it might just help to know what tends to send the opposite sex running for cover!
1. Faking it
You may be tempted to draw on your eyebrows, wear fake lashes, Botox your lips, wear ultra long acrylic nails, and get silicone implants in your boobs ... all in the name of perfect good looks. While a Barbie doll appearance may land you plenty of dates, you might discover that it won't go far beyond. Too much make up or perfume and generally trying too hard takes "natural" out of the equation; it might also indicate that you spend too much time worrying about your appearance, and may give the impression that you are superficial or overcompensating for lack of character and self-confidence, which are unattractive features.
2. Being afraid to be "real"
Every man loves a natural girl, a real girl; the typical "girl next door" became famous for a reason. A man wants to know the real you, especially if he's serious about you and is considering spending the rest of his life with you. Faking it can extend to agreeing with everything he says just to please him, but men love a woman who knows what she likes and doesn't like, who can voice an opinion, and who is not afraid of looking silly. Men like originality; he wants someone special, so don’t be afraid to be yourself.
3. Playing hard-to-get or sending mixed signals
Stop the games; if you like him and he likes you, keep it simple. While it is true that many men like a challenge, determine what is most important: the relationship or having the upper hand? Most importantly, do not confuse him: remember how it feels when a man flirts with you one day then ignores you the next. Sometimes, being upfront eliminates all the confusion and eases the way!
4. Bad attitude
Nobody likes a girl with bad attitude; negative vibes and rude means of expression weigh heavy on those around and few are attracted to such a vibe. So learn to say no gracefully and generally quit complaining. Of course, nobody is expected to be happy all the time, however don't take out your stroppiness on anyone.
5. Being too "easy"
We tend to think that this statement refers to sex, however it is not just about that. While playing hard-to-get is not recommended, giving everything away about yourself on the first date leaves nothing for the next one. Being open hearted and transparent is wonderful, however men like an interesting woman who captures their attention and retains a little mystery; the easy way to go about this is not to be too keen to talk about yourself all night long; give just enough of what he is asking so as not to disappoint him, while leaving him curious to discover more.
6. Being too "desperate"
Another turn-off for guys is a girl who seems desperate. This is when you go out on a date, and you already start imagining the wedding bells! Everything you do or say, no matter how unattached and nonchalant you try to make it appear, has the underlying air of "I'm not letting you go!" It stinks of desperation, puts undue pressure on the guy, makes him feel trapped and wanting to run for miles. Just relax and let things happen naturally!
LISTEN: New Zealand radio read out a series of messages from a woman who got too attached after a one night stand.
7. Being too clingy
If you have just started dating, allow him the space to come and go as feels comfortable for him; he will call you when he wants to see you, and if that's not frequently enough for you, just move on, but don't make any demands. Don't text him, call him and invite him here and there as if you're a well established couple, especially if you've only been out on a few dates - let him do the chasing! You may really mean it in a casual way, but that is not how he will interpret it.
8. Feeling entitled
Nobody is actually entitled to anything in a relationship, whether it is a new one or a mature one. Expectations are a real recipe for disaster, placing a lot of stress on any relationship. Remember that you are two individuals who are choosing to share together, and you should maintain an attitude of mutual respect and gratitude for each other's love and companionship.
9. Playing dumb
You think acting a bimbo will win you points? Actually most guys prefer intelligent girls who stimulate their intellect with intriguing conversation; they like women who are smart and have opinions. So stop acting the little lamb, shy in the corner; assert yourself and show what you know. Speak with him and his friends as you would with your own friends; don't be afraid to show yourself!
10. Being a smart ass
A guy can make his own decisions, just like you can make your own; you don't have to become his mother and take care of him. So just listen, be patient and understanding, and allow him to be himself: no clever “ I told you so” lines, no lectures, tips or comments regarding what you would do if you were in his place.
11. Depending on him to be happy
Girls who know what makes them happy and go about actually enjoying those things are more attractive. It’s about you being content about who you are as a person, it’s about being positive, about knowing that you’re a great person who deserves great things, and probably also because it takes the strain off him to make you happy. Quit whinging about the things you lack and do what makes you happy.
12. Being overbearing
Nobody enjoys assumed authority and feeling dominated, especially not a man by his woman; reserve that kind of play for the bedroom, perhaps. Trust him to be able to take care of himself and stop adopting the role of his mother; can you see why this would turn him off?
13. Being finicky and not compromising
Every man feels better knowing his lady is easy-going when the going gets tough; it allows him to focus on the issue without having to deal with the added stress from a woman freaking out at having to get her hands dirty. It's fine to play princess at times, if you can also play the tramp; a man will be relieved to know his lady is ready to compromise and work hard to find a solution that will be acceptable for both sides.
14. Trying to change him
A man does not want to feel that he needs to be improved, because underlying is the notion that he is not good enough as he is! In the end, we have no right to change anybody as nobody has a right to change us; if you really do not like something he says or does, simply express how it makes you feel when he says/does that thing and stop there - allow him to decide what to do about it. If you don’t like him, then find a new man instead of trying to change the one you have.
15. Talking about others
Gossiping or talking badly about others actually makes you look bad; why should you need or choose to spend your time and energy discussing other people and their doings? Even if what you’re saying is true, it seems like you are highlighting another person's bad aspects to brighten up your prospects, a rather weak thing to do. If you're talking about your ex, he feels that he's involved with you plus this other unwanted person; in that case you need to ask yourself why you keep bringing your ex into this new relationship.
16. Trying to make him jealous
Just be warned: trying to make your boyfriend jealous by flirting with another guy in order to make him more keen due to the competition could actually lead to disaster - he may think that you’ve lost interest in him and that you’d rather be with someone else. If you want to build a deep and fulfilling relationship, quit playing games!