Heated arguments on Facebook: why they happen and 4 tips to avoid them
12 July 2015, published by LITTLEROCK.com.mt
Have you ever found yourself involved in a discussion on Facebook about a hot topic that turned into a full-blown personal argument between some of the parties involved?
Social media and the Internet at large has opened up the opportunity for anyone and everyone to express an opinion real-time for the whole world to consider. It would sound like an awesome opportunity to exchange ideas and open our minds to different views, yet the reality is that debate often turns into argument ... and it could get very ugly.
I’ve had two situations where my “opponent” flung into a series of insults and attempts at defaming me in order to drop my arguments, which finally ended in them blocking me because they did not succeed in sucking me into their trap, felt defeated, and found no other way out. I discovered that the best way to deal with such people is to keep smiling, maintain a respectful attitude and an open mind ... they usually leave by themselves when they find it’s a lost cause. But why do people behave in this way?
There are several reasons why people behave badly online:
1. Perceived sense of safety behind the screen
It is easier to be blunt when you type it out on a screen than it would be to say the exact same thing to somebody's face, no doubt. In person, people tend to be more considerate and courteous in their ways of expression, lest they be punched in the face for being arrogant or rude. Such dangers do not exist online and people feel they can speak from their arse behind the safety of the screen.
2. False sense of privacy in a public forum
Speaking within a forum or on a friend's thread may give the illusion that that "space" is like a closed room, where whatever is expressed would remain between four walls. But No. This is the Internet, and everything you say (write) is there to stay for others to stumble upon at any time in the future. This includes friends, family and colleagues who know you.
3. Be right or fight
This happens when somebody begins to take the issue personally. An opinion is just an opinion, and we all know that there are a hundred opinions to a hundred people, yet some people really have a need to be right and are unwilling to consider other possibilities or points of view. When plausable opposing options are presented during the discussion, this particular ego panics because it perceives the possibility of being "publicly defeated" and a tooth and claw fight ensues.
4. Attention-whores
Some people simply have nothing better to do and spend their time on the Internet to fill the void of an otherwise empty life. Sad as it may be, these kinds of people will do anything to attract attention. They enjoy any kind of interaction, much like an attention-seeking child throwing a tantrum, so they regard an argument better than no interaction at all. Since many of these people have real-life issues and problems with communicating and relating in the real world, it may come as no surprise that they bring those issues and communication problems into their online interactions.
Tips to stay cool during Facebook discussions
In the spirit of good conversations, let’s keep these things in mind in whatever communication we have online, whether on Facebook, forums and so on. Quite simply: don’t ruin it for everyone.
1. Be ready to listen
As in any discussion, if you wish to have the right to express yourself you must observe the same right others have. Comments such as, “I cannot be bothered reading your whinging” is not only disrespectful, but it is also unfair since you are expecting to be heard but not giving others the same opportunity. A fair discussion is a fair exchange of opinions and ideas, and a discussion makes sense only if all points of view are considered. If you do not want to hear people out because you are too attached to your own point of view, simply do not participate in the discussion. The best policy is to act in a give and take manner.
2. Be civil
Remember your posts will remain in public view forever and reflect on your character. Do not use all caps or SHOUT in your posts, and avoid using exclamation marks (!!!!). Avoid getting touchy and lashing out. It does not make sense to block people simply because they don't agree with you. Remember that everyone is entitled to state their own opinion on the free Internet, so there’s no need to put anyone down or criticise. Personal differences should be handled through email or Instant Messenger and not through posts displayed to everyone. Any bad behaviour may be embarrassing not only to yourself (you never know where you may meet these people in the real world, especially in a place like Malta), but to your friend-in-common as well.
3. Do not get personal
When a person deviates from the topic being discussed to resort to personal insults, it is known as an ad hominem (Latin for "to the person"), short for argumentum ad hominem. This means responding to arguments by attacking a person's character, rather than to the content of their arguments, or dismissing their argument based on an irrelevant fact or supposition about the person presenting the argument. In reality, getting off topic and resorting to personal insults only weakens your own argument; the rule of thumb is to stay on topic.
4. Ignore trolls
In Internet slang, a troll is a person who sows discord on the Internet by starting arguments or upsetting people. Usually this is done by posting inflammatory messages in an online community such as a newsgroup, forum, chat room, or blog with the deliberate intent of provoking readers into an emotional response or of otherwise disrupting normal on-topic discussion. Trolls thrive on reaction, so best to ignore them.
At the end of the day, try to treat people online with the same respect you would like to be treated. Remember that, although all you see is a name, a profile picture and a bunch of written words, there is a real-life, breathing, feeling person behind it all; treat people with due respect.
Social media and the Internet at large has opened up the opportunity for anyone and everyone to express an opinion real-time for the whole world to consider. It would sound like an awesome opportunity to exchange ideas and open our minds to different views, yet the reality is that debate often turns into argument ... and it could get very ugly.
I’ve had two situations where my “opponent” flung into a series of insults and attempts at defaming me in order to drop my arguments, which finally ended in them blocking me because they did not succeed in sucking me into their trap, felt defeated, and found no other way out. I discovered that the best way to deal with such people is to keep smiling, maintain a respectful attitude and an open mind ... they usually leave by themselves when they find it’s a lost cause. But why do people behave in this way?
There are several reasons why people behave badly online:
1. Perceived sense of safety behind the screen
It is easier to be blunt when you type it out on a screen than it would be to say the exact same thing to somebody's face, no doubt. In person, people tend to be more considerate and courteous in their ways of expression, lest they be punched in the face for being arrogant or rude. Such dangers do not exist online and people feel they can speak from their arse behind the safety of the screen.
2. False sense of privacy in a public forum
Speaking within a forum or on a friend's thread may give the illusion that that "space" is like a closed room, where whatever is expressed would remain between four walls. But No. This is the Internet, and everything you say (write) is there to stay for others to stumble upon at any time in the future. This includes friends, family and colleagues who know you.
3. Be right or fight
This happens when somebody begins to take the issue personally. An opinion is just an opinion, and we all know that there are a hundred opinions to a hundred people, yet some people really have a need to be right and are unwilling to consider other possibilities or points of view. When plausable opposing options are presented during the discussion, this particular ego panics because it perceives the possibility of being "publicly defeated" and a tooth and claw fight ensues.
4. Attention-whores
Some people simply have nothing better to do and spend their time on the Internet to fill the void of an otherwise empty life. Sad as it may be, these kinds of people will do anything to attract attention. They enjoy any kind of interaction, much like an attention-seeking child throwing a tantrum, so they regard an argument better than no interaction at all. Since many of these people have real-life issues and problems with communicating and relating in the real world, it may come as no surprise that they bring those issues and communication problems into their online interactions.
Tips to stay cool during Facebook discussions
In the spirit of good conversations, let’s keep these things in mind in whatever communication we have online, whether on Facebook, forums and so on. Quite simply: don’t ruin it for everyone.
1. Be ready to listen
As in any discussion, if you wish to have the right to express yourself you must observe the same right others have. Comments such as, “I cannot be bothered reading your whinging” is not only disrespectful, but it is also unfair since you are expecting to be heard but not giving others the same opportunity. A fair discussion is a fair exchange of opinions and ideas, and a discussion makes sense only if all points of view are considered. If you do not want to hear people out because you are too attached to your own point of view, simply do not participate in the discussion. The best policy is to act in a give and take manner.
2. Be civil
Remember your posts will remain in public view forever and reflect on your character. Do not use all caps or SHOUT in your posts, and avoid using exclamation marks (!!!!). Avoid getting touchy and lashing out. It does not make sense to block people simply because they don't agree with you. Remember that everyone is entitled to state their own opinion on the free Internet, so there’s no need to put anyone down or criticise. Personal differences should be handled through email or Instant Messenger and not through posts displayed to everyone. Any bad behaviour may be embarrassing not only to yourself (you never know where you may meet these people in the real world, especially in a place like Malta), but to your friend-in-common as well.
3. Do not get personal
When a person deviates from the topic being discussed to resort to personal insults, it is known as an ad hominem (Latin for "to the person"), short for argumentum ad hominem. This means responding to arguments by attacking a person's character, rather than to the content of their arguments, or dismissing their argument based on an irrelevant fact or supposition about the person presenting the argument. In reality, getting off topic and resorting to personal insults only weakens your own argument; the rule of thumb is to stay on topic.
4. Ignore trolls
In Internet slang, a troll is a person who sows discord on the Internet by starting arguments or upsetting people. Usually this is done by posting inflammatory messages in an online community such as a newsgroup, forum, chat room, or blog with the deliberate intent of provoking readers into an emotional response or of otherwise disrupting normal on-topic discussion. Trolls thrive on reaction, so best to ignore them.
At the end of the day, try to treat people online with the same respect you would like to be treated. Remember that, although all you see is a name, a profile picture and a bunch of written words, there is a real-life, breathing, feeling person behind it all; treat people with due respect.
