The 12 biggest reasons why women leave the men they love
11 July 2015, published by LITTLEROCK.com.mt
A good rule of thumb is to give out of what you want: in this case, it is love. However, we must also be aware that "love" means different things to different people. Particularly, men and women's emotional needs are very different, and truly loving then means loving our partner as they need to be loved.
First of all, do not wait for a crisis before taking action. Letting problems mount for far too long makes it more difficult to reverse the damage. If we take a more active interest in our mate, and communicate our feelings transparently, yet sensitively and without blame, we may understand each other just enough to resolve these issues before they overcome us.
Below are the 12 biggest reasons why women end up leaving the men they love. Both men and women should understand the emotions underlying these main causes of relationship breakup if they are to catch warning signs early on and take positive steps towards a more loving attitude and a happy, healthy togetherness.
1. "He doesn't care."
Solution: Be present.
Caring means giving full attention to her and what she has to say, while offering caring gestures such as making eye contact, holding hands and warming into a hug. Women are emotional creatures and these gestures do a lot to make her feel cared for. All a man has to do is be truly "present" for at least a few minutes each day; presence enables a woman to open up and trust her man.
2. "He doesn't understand me."
Solution: Listen.
Listening is not the same as hearing: a man is to listen to his woman with attention and validate her feelings. And he must not offer advice unless it is solicited. Women often need to talk in order to organise their thoughts and emotions; she is not seeking help, so a man should not offer suggestions to "fix" her problem. Arguing, objecting or dismissing her feelings will most certainly not be well-received; a man's validating attitude confirms a woman's right to feel the way she does, and to communicate that. Feeling understood and validated enables a woman to be much more accepting and approving of him as he is.
3. "He doesn't respect me."
Solution: Support.
A woman feels respected when a man acknowledges and prioritises her rights, needs and wishes. Dismissing her rights (such as the right to express herself or the right to choose), overlooking her needs or ignoring her wishes will make a woman feel defensive, because she will feel that she needs to look after herself if nobody else will. Meanwhile, love cannot be expressed through an armour. Acknowledgement and support will breed heartfelt appreciation and mutual respect.
4. "He's too independent."
Solution: Togetherness.
"Devotion" would be more apt to describe what she wants, because deep down every woman is a princess who wants to to be adored by her knight in shining armour. When a man gives priority to her feelings and needs over his other interests or desires, she will feel cherished. Rather than making a man appear like a doormat, turns him into the knight of her dreams, whom she greatly admires.
5. "He expects too much of me."
Solution: Appreciation.
It may be useful to start by remembering that nobody owes anyone anything nor is anybody entitled to anything from anyone; in each moment a couple is choosing to share their love and lives together, and at any moment either partner may choose to leave the relationship and has every right to do so. Gratitude is a good place to start; when she sees him pleased, she will feel more inclined to serve him.
6. "He takes me for granted."
Solution: Woo her daily.
Long gone are the days when a man would hit a woman on the head with a club and drag her to his cave to make, and care for, his young, for the rest of her days. Yet men, these days, still tend to become dull and boring at the point that they feel satisfied that they have seized their prize. Men: she wants to feel like a princess; her heart must be won over on a daily basis with small acts of love. When she is satisfied that her man deserves her affections, she will feel more inclined to demonstrate her love to him in every way possible.
7. "The only time he pays attention to me is when he wants sex."
Solution: Intimacy.
Men must be interested in their partner in all spheres, not merely for physical affection; when women are groped or pursued only physically, they feel cheapened and degraded. Women are driven by their heart, not by their body, nor by their head; they make decisions based on feelings, so the place to connect with a woman is on the emotional plane. For most women, physical affection is a natural byproduct of intimacy (into-me-see); when she feels loved she will naturally feel motivated towards sex.
8. "He's a selfish lover."
Solution: Focus on your partner.
Some men view sex very physically, and check out mentally during sex to focus on getting an orgasm. Sadly, this not only means that the connection and intimacy part of making "love" fly out of the window, but also the desire or will to give pleasure to their partner. A woman may even enjoy rough sex occasionally, but if her partner consistently pays little or no attention to her beyond her body, or to her physical pleasure, eventually she will lose interest. Focusing on each other allows the act of sex to transform into an emotionally deeper, more pleasurable experience for both.
9. "I feel like his mother."
Solution: Man be "the king."
Often women become frustrated by their partner's apparent inability to be responsible for themselves and family affairs; persistent juvenile behaviour will surely get a man dumped. Men must behave as the kings of their castle who can provide not only protection but also emotional and spiritual leadership. Women will react with respect and admiration towards their "king"; certainly they will find it hard to hold the same respect and admiration for a man who behaves like a little boy who needs to be taken care of.
10. "I feel trapped and suffocated."
Solution: Trust.
While women do not like to be in relationships with men who are not ready to make a commitment - as it makes them extremely insecure - they also do not like being in relationships with men who make them feel trapped. A man needs to get a grip with his own insecurities which may lead him to blame something outside of the relationship in order to reduce his feelings of inadequacy; he may become manipulative and controlling to suspicious and blaming. Naturally a woman does not want to be made to feel distrusted and controlled by implied guilt. When she feels trusted, she will naturally feel more loyal and devoted to her man.
11. "He expects me to read his mind."
Solution: Communication.
Communication is very important for women - they sort everything out by talking - but more important for a couple is conscious communication. While men are known to be far less eager to express their emotions in words, as a minimum they should give their partner an indication of the actual state of affairs rather than leaving them guessing. It may be useful to remember that, as yet, nobody is naturally gifted to read minds, and getting angry because your partner didn't understand you were busy or need space does not make sense if it was not properly communicated. Two-way direct and transparent communication with conscious choice of words simplifies things immensely.
12. "He gets aggressive."
Solution: Breath before speaking.
He may spend his work time at a building site, but he needs to remember that no power struggles are necessary once at home with his lady. A woman is a flower and should be treated with gentle care, just like a princess deserves. If princess begins to behave like a warrior herself, it may be no surprise then that he may feel challenged and may demonstrate aggression as a dominant animal would, this is basic instincts. Again, conscious communication will serve the pair to express themselves, own their feelings, request support and find mutual connection that goes beyond "Me" to "We" and "Us." Taking the time to breath and become centred before speaking, ensuring that the words are not defending the ego but communicating honestly, even vulnerably, our fears and our hopes to each other, can transform the way we relate to each other immensely.
First of all, do not wait for a crisis before taking action. Letting problems mount for far too long makes it more difficult to reverse the damage. If we take a more active interest in our mate, and communicate our feelings transparently, yet sensitively and without blame, we may understand each other just enough to resolve these issues before they overcome us.
Below are the 12 biggest reasons why women end up leaving the men they love. Both men and women should understand the emotions underlying these main causes of relationship breakup if they are to catch warning signs early on and take positive steps towards a more loving attitude and a happy, healthy togetherness.
1. "He doesn't care."
Solution: Be present.
Caring means giving full attention to her and what she has to say, while offering caring gestures such as making eye contact, holding hands and warming into a hug. Women are emotional creatures and these gestures do a lot to make her feel cared for. All a man has to do is be truly "present" for at least a few minutes each day; presence enables a woman to open up and trust her man.
2. "He doesn't understand me."
Solution: Listen.
Listening is not the same as hearing: a man is to listen to his woman with attention and validate her feelings. And he must not offer advice unless it is solicited. Women often need to talk in order to organise their thoughts and emotions; she is not seeking help, so a man should not offer suggestions to "fix" her problem. Arguing, objecting or dismissing her feelings will most certainly not be well-received; a man's validating attitude confirms a woman's right to feel the way she does, and to communicate that. Feeling understood and validated enables a woman to be much more accepting and approving of him as he is.
3. "He doesn't respect me."
Solution: Support.
A woman feels respected when a man acknowledges and prioritises her rights, needs and wishes. Dismissing her rights (such as the right to express herself or the right to choose), overlooking her needs or ignoring her wishes will make a woman feel defensive, because she will feel that she needs to look after herself if nobody else will. Meanwhile, love cannot be expressed through an armour. Acknowledgement and support will breed heartfelt appreciation and mutual respect.
4. "He's too independent."
Solution: Togetherness.
"Devotion" would be more apt to describe what she wants, because deep down every woman is a princess who wants to to be adored by her knight in shining armour. When a man gives priority to her feelings and needs over his other interests or desires, she will feel cherished. Rather than making a man appear like a doormat, turns him into the knight of her dreams, whom she greatly admires.
5. "He expects too much of me."
Solution: Appreciation.
It may be useful to start by remembering that nobody owes anyone anything nor is anybody entitled to anything from anyone; in each moment a couple is choosing to share their love and lives together, and at any moment either partner may choose to leave the relationship and has every right to do so. Gratitude is a good place to start; when she sees him pleased, she will feel more inclined to serve him.
6. "He takes me for granted."
Solution: Woo her daily.
Long gone are the days when a man would hit a woman on the head with a club and drag her to his cave to make, and care for, his young, for the rest of her days. Yet men, these days, still tend to become dull and boring at the point that they feel satisfied that they have seized their prize. Men: she wants to feel like a princess; her heart must be won over on a daily basis with small acts of love. When she is satisfied that her man deserves her affections, she will feel more inclined to demonstrate her love to him in every way possible.
7. "The only time he pays attention to me is when he wants sex."
Solution: Intimacy.
Men must be interested in their partner in all spheres, not merely for physical affection; when women are groped or pursued only physically, they feel cheapened and degraded. Women are driven by their heart, not by their body, nor by their head; they make decisions based on feelings, so the place to connect with a woman is on the emotional plane. For most women, physical affection is a natural byproduct of intimacy (into-me-see); when she feels loved she will naturally feel motivated towards sex.
8. "He's a selfish lover."
Solution: Focus on your partner.
Some men view sex very physically, and check out mentally during sex to focus on getting an orgasm. Sadly, this not only means that the connection and intimacy part of making "love" fly out of the window, but also the desire or will to give pleasure to their partner. A woman may even enjoy rough sex occasionally, but if her partner consistently pays little or no attention to her beyond her body, or to her physical pleasure, eventually she will lose interest. Focusing on each other allows the act of sex to transform into an emotionally deeper, more pleasurable experience for both.
9. "I feel like his mother."
Solution: Man be "the king."
Often women become frustrated by their partner's apparent inability to be responsible for themselves and family affairs; persistent juvenile behaviour will surely get a man dumped. Men must behave as the kings of their castle who can provide not only protection but also emotional and spiritual leadership. Women will react with respect and admiration towards their "king"; certainly they will find it hard to hold the same respect and admiration for a man who behaves like a little boy who needs to be taken care of.
10. "I feel trapped and suffocated."
Solution: Trust.
While women do not like to be in relationships with men who are not ready to make a commitment - as it makes them extremely insecure - they also do not like being in relationships with men who make them feel trapped. A man needs to get a grip with his own insecurities which may lead him to blame something outside of the relationship in order to reduce his feelings of inadequacy; he may become manipulative and controlling to suspicious and blaming. Naturally a woman does not want to be made to feel distrusted and controlled by implied guilt. When she feels trusted, she will naturally feel more loyal and devoted to her man.
11. "He expects me to read his mind."
Solution: Communication.
Communication is very important for women - they sort everything out by talking - but more important for a couple is conscious communication. While men are known to be far less eager to express their emotions in words, as a minimum they should give their partner an indication of the actual state of affairs rather than leaving them guessing. It may be useful to remember that, as yet, nobody is naturally gifted to read minds, and getting angry because your partner didn't understand you were busy or need space does not make sense if it was not properly communicated. Two-way direct and transparent communication with conscious choice of words simplifies things immensely.
12. "He gets aggressive."
Solution: Breath before speaking.
He may spend his work time at a building site, but he needs to remember that no power struggles are necessary once at home with his lady. A woman is a flower and should be treated with gentle care, just like a princess deserves. If princess begins to behave like a warrior herself, it may be no surprise then that he may feel challenged and may demonstrate aggression as a dominant animal would, this is basic instincts. Again, conscious communication will serve the pair to express themselves, own their feelings, request support and find mutual connection that goes beyond "Me" to "We" and "Us." Taking the time to breath and become centred before speaking, ensuring that the words are not defending the ego but communicating honestly, even vulnerably, our fears and our hopes to each other, can transform the way we relate to each other immensely.