The 6 reasons why WOMEN cheat (and what to do if you did…)
11 February 2015, published by LITTLEROCK.com.mt
Valentine's Day is just around the corner. Many happy couples will be celebrating their love with heart-shaped boxes of chocolates and triple-expensive restaurant dinners.
But what about the not-so-happy couples? Let's admit it... it is not always rosy. Will those couples be putting on a show just for the sake of it being the 14th of February?
Whether you tend to be a faithful lover or a chronic cheater, the truth is that feeling horny rarely has anything to do with why women cheat. In fact, cheating on your partner can cause serious complications of guilt and disturbing emotions swaying between the need to come clean and the fear that the relationship would end, despite the reasons that led you to cheat in the first place.
Perhaps some of these may feel familiar:
Feeling lonely in the relationship
Being single is one thing: you know you are alone and you may even enjoy being alone; but feeling lonely while being in a relationship is another. When you are single you can date - or even enjoy one-night-stands - to relish the "princess" feeling. But we mistake sex for intimacy far too often; what we're really searching for is emotional satisfaction. Relationships lacking emotional intimacy are more likely to drive towards infidelity.
Feeling insecure
Strange as it may seem, a woman with low self-confidence is more likely to cheat than a woman with high self-esteem. Reason being: a woman who feels a sense of lack needs to fill up the gap somehow. If her partner is not around to make her feel "special" she may soon look for other pick-me-ups.
Feeling bored
Life can become dull, especially when each day begins to feel like the one before it in the humdrum of mundane chores. The thrill of "forbidden fruit" and something "new" can sometimes be enough of a motivator for infidelity... how exciting to feel alive again! Wouldn't it be good to feel you can create that novelty and excitement with your partner?
Feeling unfulfilled
Although not common, it could happen that you just simply couldn't keep your hands off that colleague at work or that wonderful man who chatted you up at the cafe: the glint in his eyes, his smile, the way his lips moved, the way his hair fell about his face, his strong hands, his height... all of him mesmerized you beyond reason and you lost yourself; it can happen. Do ask yourself, though, whether you are feeling emotionally or physically unfulfilled if you even noticed him in the first place!
Feeling unsure
Perhaps you don't feel sure you love him enough, that he is the "one," that he is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Cheating may be your way of testing the waters a little bit, of tasting a little bit of freedom. Maybe you are afraid of commitment or could not really find a reason to end what appeared to be a perfectly decent relationship but which just didn't make you tick. To stray could finally convince you to stay or totally get away.
Feeling desperate
Whether you feel desperate to leave the suffocating bonds of a co-dependent relationship or desperate to get even with your partner who previously cheated on you or treats you less than you deserve, both are desperate measures to earn your self-respect back, and somehow cheating offered one avenue. Whether it was the right way to go is not for anybody to judge, but if you have been pushed out of desperation, pat yourself on the back, woman, for doing whatever it takes.
So what to do once the deed is done?
This is a tricky one. You have three options.
1) You can end the relationship. You figured out that perhaps your match is not made in heaven after all and that it is best for both of you to move on.
2) You can tell him the truth. But be prepared, as you risk losing him forever. While some men can be forgiving of an affair, most can't... they feel betrayed and find it difficult to trust you again.
3) You can stay in the relationship holding the secret. But know that guilt weighs heavy and it is one of the biggest reasons why cheating ends a relationship.
Before choosing your course, perhaps it would be helpful for you to discover WHY you cheated.
Find out whether the problem was your relationship with your partner, or your relationship with yourself.
Relationship therapists will often conclude that people who have a strong sense of self-worth, who take time out for themselves and know how to make themselves happy are less needy and less likely to depend on others to feel good... and are therefore less prone to cheating to "fill the gap."
If you feel bored or unfulfilled, why not look for ways to enjoy fun times with your partner and rekindle the spark and romance?
If you feel truly unsatisfied with the relationship, tackle those issues with your partner rather than creating another problem, or end it now; it will save you both unecessary suffering.
If you've decided to stay and work on it, next you need to decide whether to spill the beans.
Honesty is the best policy in most cases, after all your partner deserves the right to choose, and if your relationship is to succeed henceforth, it would be best to do so with a clean slate.
Sometimes, however, honesty is not the best policy. If you feel that your partner couldn't handle it and your drunken one-night-stand will not riddle you with guilt because you DO love your partner and there is nothing really wrong with the relationship; if you feel it would do more harm than good, perhaps keeping this secret is the best idea.
Only you know what’s right for you and for your relationship. The important thing, however, is not to cheat again!
And get over it. After all, you’re only human, right?
But what about the not-so-happy couples? Let's admit it... it is not always rosy. Will those couples be putting on a show just for the sake of it being the 14th of February?
Whether you tend to be a faithful lover or a chronic cheater, the truth is that feeling horny rarely has anything to do with why women cheat. In fact, cheating on your partner can cause serious complications of guilt and disturbing emotions swaying between the need to come clean and the fear that the relationship would end, despite the reasons that led you to cheat in the first place.
Perhaps some of these may feel familiar:
Feeling lonely in the relationship
Being single is one thing: you know you are alone and you may even enjoy being alone; but feeling lonely while being in a relationship is another. When you are single you can date - or even enjoy one-night-stands - to relish the "princess" feeling. But we mistake sex for intimacy far too often; what we're really searching for is emotional satisfaction. Relationships lacking emotional intimacy are more likely to drive towards infidelity.
Feeling insecure
Strange as it may seem, a woman with low self-confidence is more likely to cheat than a woman with high self-esteem. Reason being: a woman who feels a sense of lack needs to fill up the gap somehow. If her partner is not around to make her feel "special" she may soon look for other pick-me-ups.
Feeling bored
Life can become dull, especially when each day begins to feel like the one before it in the humdrum of mundane chores. The thrill of "forbidden fruit" and something "new" can sometimes be enough of a motivator for infidelity... how exciting to feel alive again! Wouldn't it be good to feel you can create that novelty and excitement with your partner?
Feeling unfulfilled
Although not common, it could happen that you just simply couldn't keep your hands off that colleague at work or that wonderful man who chatted you up at the cafe: the glint in his eyes, his smile, the way his lips moved, the way his hair fell about his face, his strong hands, his height... all of him mesmerized you beyond reason and you lost yourself; it can happen. Do ask yourself, though, whether you are feeling emotionally or physically unfulfilled if you even noticed him in the first place!
Feeling unsure
Perhaps you don't feel sure you love him enough, that he is the "one," that he is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Cheating may be your way of testing the waters a little bit, of tasting a little bit of freedom. Maybe you are afraid of commitment or could not really find a reason to end what appeared to be a perfectly decent relationship but which just didn't make you tick. To stray could finally convince you to stay or totally get away.
Feeling desperate
Whether you feel desperate to leave the suffocating bonds of a co-dependent relationship or desperate to get even with your partner who previously cheated on you or treats you less than you deserve, both are desperate measures to earn your self-respect back, and somehow cheating offered one avenue. Whether it was the right way to go is not for anybody to judge, but if you have been pushed out of desperation, pat yourself on the back, woman, for doing whatever it takes.
So what to do once the deed is done?
This is a tricky one. You have three options.
1) You can end the relationship. You figured out that perhaps your match is not made in heaven after all and that it is best for both of you to move on.
2) You can tell him the truth. But be prepared, as you risk losing him forever. While some men can be forgiving of an affair, most can't... they feel betrayed and find it difficult to trust you again.
3) You can stay in the relationship holding the secret. But know that guilt weighs heavy and it is one of the biggest reasons why cheating ends a relationship.
Before choosing your course, perhaps it would be helpful for you to discover WHY you cheated.
Find out whether the problem was your relationship with your partner, or your relationship with yourself.
Relationship therapists will often conclude that people who have a strong sense of self-worth, who take time out for themselves and know how to make themselves happy are less needy and less likely to depend on others to feel good... and are therefore less prone to cheating to "fill the gap."
If you feel bored or unfulfilled, why not look for ways to enjoy fun times with your partner and rekindle the spark and romance?
If you feel truly unsatisfied with the relationship, tackle those issues with your partner rather than creating another problem, or end it now; it will save you both unecessary suffering.
If you've decided to stay and work on it, next you need to decide whether to spill the beans.
Honesty is the best policy in most cases, after all your partner deserves the right to choose, and if your relationship is to succeed henceforth, it would be best to do so with a clean slate.
Sometimes, however, honesty is not the best policy. If you feel that your partner couldn't handle it and your drunken one-night-stand will not riddle you with guilt because you DO love your partner and there is nothing really wrong with the relationship; if you feel it would do more harm than good, perhaps keeping this secret is the best idea.
Only you know what’s right for you and for your relationship. The important thing, however, is not to cheat again!
And get over it. After all, you’re only human, right?
